


i will not stop (until you make me)

by worldofpains



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation, Character Death, Coma, Gen, Guilt, Happy ending what happy ending, Heart Attacks, Hurt Tony Stark, Medical Inaccuracies, Not A Fix-It, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, POV Bucky Barnes, Poor Tony, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Protective Bucky Barnes, Team Cap bashing, They Still Fucked Up and They Have to Live with It, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Whump, but it works poorly, cardiac arrest - Freeform, i don't like team cap tho, i love tony but i love hurting him more, not a redemption story, very graphic descriptions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-08-05 15:15:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16370051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worldofpains/pseuds/worldofpains
Summary: Tony Stark has always had a weak heart.or:Those closest to Tony said their final goodbyes, told from Bucky Barnes' perspective.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning: graphic cardiac arrest, resuscitation attempts.

Tony Stark has always had a weak heart, ever since the time he firts became Iron Man and had the arc reactor device embedded into his chest to fight off the shrapnel moving into his heart. He had the device removed long ago, but even with the drugs and Extremis serum in his system, his heart never quite recovered. The space in his chest that was once a hole for the device is now filled in with a fake sternum too fragile despite the special technology used to create it.

That same space on Tony's chest was Captain America's final target for his frisbee-style shield before he went and became rouge.

Tony remembered the fear and sheer terror he felt when Cap had straddled him on the floor, shield high up in the air before slamming straight into the arc reactor on his Iron Man suit, disabling it immediately. The Supersoldier had left him then, in an abandoned bunker in freezing Siberia with a dead suit and a C line crack over the chest plate of said suit. 

One quick Doctor's visit (that he reluctantly went to) later confirmed what he'd always feared: his heart once again is failing after sustaining the damage from the blow. 

Of course, knowing him, he kept the secret of his dying heart from the remaining of his team/friends, pretending like everything was okay. He took his medicines regularly and generously funded medical researches in field that might help his case, but he never kept high hopes. 

After all, everybody has their expiration date. Fifty years is a couple decades over the borrowed time a person like Tony Stark could possibly have. He'd had a wild life when he was younger, abusing alcohol and drugs and destroying his young liver. He'd escaped death one too many times. He wouldn't be too surprised to see his time was up.

After all, he's escaped his time one too many times now. 

Now around six months later, the Rogue Avengers have been pardoned and are now back in the country. Tony, determined to make up for the mistakes of his past, allows them to return to the Avengers Compound despite their betrayal. Life at the compound is filled with terse silence and awkward encounters, but one that Tony could still deal with. 

Until the day the Rogues decide they haven't punished Tony enough and starts throwing their in-pressed anger and insults since being fugitives. 

Tony doesn't really know what started it. He just went to the communal kitchen to get some coffee since he ran out of them in his own sacred workshop. He's been too out of it in exhaustion and sleepiness that one or two remarks he didn't really mean any harm might have escaped from his mouth.

Then Clint--Hawkeye--was suddenly firing up insults his way, while the Black Widow stood by on watch with her arms crossed. The Scarlett Witch watched with a frown, fists clenched to restrain the red energy that had begun to sparkle. Tony hadn't gulped enough caffeine to really filter his own supressed thoughts over the months, and suddenly a loud screaming match erupted in the kitchen. 

Steve--Cap--tried to break out the argument but Tony, too fired up and hurt at the accusations, only balked at him. Steve retaliated in more accusations and all hope was lost then. 

They'd had a lot of words restrained ever since Tony welcomed them back into the compound. They blamed Tony for getting them locked up in the raft. They blamed him for making them become fugitives when they were the ones who decide to escape the facility. They blamed him for the tainted images The Rogue Avengers now have after the battle that broke out--one that caused the War Machine to become paralyzed and later causing Tony with an irreparable, though unseen, injury that's permanently affected his lifestyle.

And now all of those words are free of their previous restraints, and they're all hurling them at Tony. A rogue team against one defenseless person. 

It was Bucky--the Winter Soldier--that first noticed something was off. Tony had gotten a little quieter since Steve's loud booming voice started to join in the conversation and his eyes had turned glassy as his fists clenched by his sides. Bucky stepped up to put a hand on Steve so he would back off, but Steve ignored him. 

Bucky became more concerned when Tony suddenly stumbled out of nowhere, now clucthing the edge of the counter to just stand up while nobody noticed. The genius' breaths had gotten quicker and shallower and his right hand is now tightly clutching his own upper left arm in pain, and just as Bucky decided to yell out for them all to stop, Tony's whole body crumpled onto the floor.

"Oh, come on, Stark. Enough with these games!" Clint yelled, thinking Tony was just being dramatic.

"Shut up!" Bucky screamed as he ran forward. "Call 911!"

Everyone was stunned and it was as if they only realized what was happening once Bucky arrived at Tony's crumpled form, face down on the floor, whole body rigid in pain. Bucky moved their bodies around and the rest of the Rogues can clearly see what was going on.

As Bucky lifted Tony's upper body to turn him on his back, the other man's body snapped rigid, his head thrown back over Bucky's metal arm, his neck straining and his mouth gaping wide open. His whole body arched in tight spasm as a massive sudden cardiac arrest consumed the genius' body. His arms were rigid, snapping forward and beginning to cross in front of his chest, the fists curling inwards. The same went for his taut legs. After a while, his whole body trembles in tiny convulsive spasms.

Natasha sobered up and her face paled. "He's having a heart attack. Wanda, call the ambulance!"

Clint only stood in shock, while Steve ran to get the AED from the infirmary. 

Tony's eyes were half open in slits, somehow staring accusingly at the rest of the Rogue Avengers as he shook in spasms. In matter of seconds, his whole complexion had turned pale and sickly, a tint of blue over his nails and lips. His mouth was gaping open and closed like a fish, taking aborted breaths that never really went in. Saliva bubbled at the corners of his darkened mouth, looking like white foam. His chest jerked up and down but it was only from the back muscles spasms, not an indication of breaths.

In Bucky's arms, Tony's spasms stopped but his body was still rigid on the floor. His blue mouth moved slow and opened wide, tongue lolling out as his neck slowly snapped backwards. A snorting sound escaped his throat at the same time while muscles in his chest twitches, but Bucky couldn't feel any air moving in and out of his mouth even as a loud gurgling noise released and his mouth closed. It happened again and again, in weird intervals, the muscles moving unconsciously.

"He's agonal gasping," Natasha commented in a forced calmness. "Bucky, release him and lay him on the floor. I need you to blow breaths for him while I compress his chest. Your metal arm might be too strong." 

Bucky nodded and straightened Tony's body, although it was hard as he was still twitching once in a while. He pried open the other man's jaw and tilted his head before giving him rescue breaths. His chest moved, accepting the oxygen, but the muscles on his face were still trying to take fake gasps. Even as Bucky's mouth sealed Tony's, he could feel him gasp under his mouth, feel the growl from the downed man's throat.

"Bucky, those are not true breaths," Natasha warned when Bucky paused to stare curiously at the fish-out-of-water movements of Tony's mouth. "It's just his muscles' last attempt to get air but he's not really getting any. Keep breathing for him." 

Tony's body was still seized up and a little arched off the floor when Natasha locked her clasped hands on top of Tony's sternum and begin to pump rhythmically. Tony's arms were still crossed in front of his chest from the spasm, and Bucky helped move them to help the compressions.

"Shit, he's really locked up. Come on, Tony, work with me." 

Bucky blew in breath and pulled away. Tony's empty eyes stared accusingly at him as his head jerked from the force of the compressions.

Even as Natasha pumped his chest, Tony never stopped making the loud gurgling noises. Bucky wiped down the saliva from the corner of those blue lips. 

They all knew they screwed up. 

Natasha paused to rub her knuckles a few times on Tony's sternum. "Tony, hey, please. Don't do this. Take a deep breath for me. Please." 

Tony ignored them all, only staring sightlessly at the ceiling, mouth still moving open and close unconsciously. 

"Breathe for him," Natasha instructed and Bucky obeyed.

Natasha resumed compressions, the force making Tony's whole body convulse. Slowly, the rigidity eases off and the man dropped back on the floor from his arched position and he stopped gurgling. His head flopped to the side but Bucky secured it, straightening it back up to keep his airway open. 

Steve returned with the AED, and Clint helped set it up while Wanda kept talking to the dispatcher, informing them what was going on.

Steve ripped Tony's dress shirt open and barely held in a gasp. The lifetime's worth of scarring all over his chest was terrifying. He could make out the circle-shaped scar over the center of his chest, the space where the arc reactor was placed--both the old, implated one and the detached one on the suit, and Steve paled in horror.

"Oh no..." 

It was the space where he'd hit the older man with is Vibranium-made shield. Viciously, unforgivingly, disabling his suit instantly. Steve was no idiot. Even he could guess what that particular blow would cause on an already damaged chest.

"It's my fault," he whispered in pain as Clint placed the pads on Tony's chest and the AED machine began to whine. "I did this..." 

They all cleared to let the AED analyze Tony's rhythm. "No pulse..." 

No pulse. All because of them. 

_They killed him..._

Natasha had begun to lose her fake calm and a tear slipped from her eye as she resumed compressions again. "Come on, Tony, I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."

Tony remained still. His skin was gradually losing color. Now he was gray and starting to grow cold. They all kept trying anyway. 

Bucky held the genius' face in his hands and blew in another breath. Tony's chest passively lifted up in response. 

The AED analyzed again and informed that a shock was advised.

"Everybody clear," Natasha barked. 

The machine whined and Natasha pressed the red blinking button. Immediately, Tony's whole body twitched and curled in response, a grunt escaping his mouth. He fell lifeless once more. 

"Analyzing rhythm. Stand clear... Shock adviced. Push the red--" 

Tony's chest convulsed and his limbs jerked before falling still. 

"Analyzing............ No pulse, begin CPR..." 

Natasha pushed at Tony's cold chest. His lips are completely dark blue, eyes staring off a distance. A soft _hu hu hu_ sound escaped his slack mouth in sync of the compressions.

Steve was openly crying, realizing what had been going on. 

Natasha stopped compressions and defeatedly pressed two fingers on Tony's jaw. She shook her head. 

Bucky wiped his face before looking down into Tony's lifeless, open eyes. Carefully, he closed those eyes with his fingers gently. He took a deep, shaky breath and looked up at the rest of the _team_ , deep anguish in his gray eyes. 

_They killed him._

The Rogue Avengers stood in silence even as paramedics jumped out from the elevator and rush toward the hero's still body.


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky stood in silence, by the door, watching the slow movements of Stark's chest as the machine breathed for him. 

On the chair next to him, sat Miss Potts, her face carefully blank despite the redness of her eyes and her puffy lips--from the way she'd bitten her lip all night long in worry on her way from Malibu to the Compound.

The rest of the...  _team_ \--Bucky scoffed--were all denied visitations to the large, empty, private room Stark's prone body was currently occupying... along with the whole floor of the hospital building to avoid putting him in more stress.

Not that it would matter, anyway, since the genius wasn't aware enough to know.

Bucky didn't know why he was really allowed to stay. Maybe Miss Potts noticed the way he was only five seconds away from barking at Steve and the rest of everybody else when they tried to wait in the waiting room. Maybe Miss Potts had forgiven him somehow, since he was the one who walked up to meet her once she'd arrived at the hospital.

He didn't really feel like he had the right to be here, but he didn't want to leave either. 

His eyes moved from Stark to Miss Potts, noting the way her small hands shook a little as she held Stark's limp hand in hers.

He watched as she brought those rough fingers to her lips and kissed them, murmuring soft words. His enhanced hearing couldn't help but listen into the conversation. " _I'm sorry, Tony,"_ she said, over and over again. Something shifted deep in Bucky's chest.

He looked down in shame. Stark wouldn't have to be here if Bucky... if he'd never came to live in the Compound. Or if he had talked it out better with the other man, or if he could have set Steve Rogers straight, or if he'd just... stepped in, when the argument had broken out, instead of listening in silence. He could have done something and maybe Stark wouldn't have to be lying there on that goddamn hospital bed, connected to tubes and machines that kept him alive.

A deep coma, Bucky heard the doctors said. The resuscitation efforts worked to get his heart beating again in the end, but he'd went too long without enough oxygen, his brain had started to shut down, leaving the body with minimum brain activity. The damage to his heart was also too much, he'd needed to be on external pacemaker for nearly an hour after the surgery, constantly shocking his heart into correct rhythm. Right now, he was only alive because of the machines that kept him that way. Life support, they said. They weren't even sure if Stark would ever wake up. 

Miss Potts carefully laid Stark's hand back on top of his chest. It moved, up, and then down, and then up again. The machine--ventilator--hissed. 

She turned her pale face up and stared at Bucky. "Sergeant Barnes," she greeted, softly, as if she hadn't known he'd been standing there for the past ten minutes. 

"Miss Potts. Just Bucky, please," he replies uneasily. "Or James." 

"Bucky." She smiled, just a tiny bit. "I'd confuse you with Rhodey." 

Bucky nodded and shifted on his feet. "When is Colonel Rhodes coming here?"

"He's on his way. He's..." Miss Potts bit her lower lip and her eyes once again filled with moisture. "... he's not happy."

"I'm sorry," Bucky rasped.

Miss Potts shook her head. "Come over here."

He hesitated, but slowly walkes toward the bed. Up closer, Bucky's heart stuttered in his chest. Stark was so pale and deathly, his long eyelashes resting over his cheekbones as his eyes shut tightly. A long tube was inserted into his mouth so the ventilator could breathe for him, and it caused a side of his mouth to turn down, a little agape, from the medical tape that secured the tube. Underneath the blanket, his scarred chest laid bare, and multiple wires monitoring his heart peeked out of the blanket. He looked so small, surrounded by all those machines. 

"Thank you, for saving him." 

Bucky looked up, incredulously, at the pretty redhead. "I didn't..." 

"FRIDAY told me. You were the first... the  _only_ one who noticed something wasn't right with Tony. The first one to jump and helped him."

Bucky shook his head.

"You were the only one who wasn't actively hurling insults at him," she added, bitterly.

"I should've done more. Stopped them." 

"This was a long time coming. I told Tony not to stay at the Compound--I knew the lot of them still had things buried in their chest. But he... he loved them, he wanted it to work again. He said they were his family. He said he'd fix it... fix the team. I didn't believe that, but he..." Miss Potts paused to wipe stray tears.

Bucky looked at the man on the bed. The same man who'd, every few days, called up the team to the communal room to show off upgraded versions of their weapons, even though they never asked. The same man who'd offered to take a look at his mechanical arm, just off-handedly every few days when they'd see each other in the kitchen. Then Steve would shake his head,  _You don't want to owe him anything, Buck._

_But I already do, Steve. I owe him for ruining his life._

That was what he'd done. Bucky had killed Stark's parents, orphaned him and had him inherit a whole fortune in his teenage year, only to be manipulated by his only father figure who, in the end, betrayed him to take over his own company. Bucky had read the reports, could draw the dots together... And even then, Bucky had destroyed Stark's... other  _family_. He wasn't dumb. He knew Steve never really cared about the politics behind the Accords and only cared about saving Bucky. Steve would tear the Avengers apart for Bucky... which was exactly what he had done. He'd torn apart the only family Stark had left.

And that fight in Siberia... Bucky couldn't even blame The Winter Soldier for that. It was his own hands, with his own free mind, that fought the other man while he was hurting after knowing the truth about his parents' death. He was the reason Steve drove that goddamned shield into Iron Man's reactor. He was the reason Stark damaged his already weak heart.

Yet the other man had opened his door for him, let him live in his own house. With him. 

And now, look what he'd done. 

"I know what you're thinking," Potts said softly. "But you were... since everyone returned to the Compound, you were the only one who didn't treat him like a doormat. I know because Tony's been calling me... He told me he was genuinely surprised when you thanked him for the under armor he designed for you, when everybody else didn't even take a look at all the upgraded tech Tony had worked on their weapons... "

Bucky's eyebrow furrowed as he remembered that. He'd been surprised to know Tony had created something for him as well--since, last he checked he didn't think he was an Avenger--and so for the next few mornings he'd greeted Stark in the morning with a cup of coffee as a thank you--he'd asked FRIDAY for Stark's coffee preferences--and they'd have comfortable small talks until one day Steve returned from his jog and frowned disapprovingly at the scene.

After that, Bucky never saw Tony come up at the kitchen in the morning anymore. 

"He doesn't have much left by his side... It's, it's good to see someone else care about him. For so long it was only Rhodey and I, and Happy... and that was it. He used to have the team but I was never convinced they ever truly cared. Not with the way they'd left him in the end..."

"I'm sorry," Bucky could only say. 

"Not your fault." 

"It was," he insisted with a frown. "If Steve hadn't tried to save me..." 

Pepper fixed him with a stare. "Did the team really have to split into two just to save you? No. Tony... he was ready to help you, he had a tech in progress called B.A.R.F, theorized to help people with similar cases like yours. All Steve and everybody else needed to do was  _listen_ to him and they couldn't even give him that, couldn't even spend two minutes to talk it out. He went to Germany so that the government wouldn't shoot you on sight. He was there to talk it out, get you all to sign the Accords so he could help revise it to be better. He knew the Accords had flaws but he was always ready to fight the committee on those flaws. But Steve never bothered to just sit down and listen.

"It didn't have to be a choice between the Accords and saving you, but Steve made it into a choice. And he dragged you into this mess. You didn't know better, I understand that. That's why you followed him. But everyone else..." Potts shook her head. "They'd worked with Tony for years. Lived with him. They should've understood him. Understood what he was trying to do. It shouldn't have ended like this."

Miss Potts looked down at Stark and moved to brush his hair gently. "I need to go. Paperworks. Talk to his doctors... and then his lawyers..." She bit her lip again, her eyes wet. "You should stay with him." 

She leaned to kiss Stark's forehead and stood up to leave. Bucky stayed.

And sat down where Miss Potts had sit. And watched. The chest moved up, and down. Up, and down. Stark never once stirred.

Bucky took a deep breath, and his right arm reached out. Carefully, he laid it on top of Stark's cold hand on his chest. He felt him breathe. 


	3. Chapter 3

Three hours after Colonel Rhodes arrived to visit his best friend, Stark's heartbeat slowed into an unstable rhythm. 

The doctors decided to put him back on the external pacemaker. Bucky stood watch outside the window, with Potts and the Colonel next to him, as the doctors put a large pad in the middle of the comatose genius' chest, injected something into his IV line, and worked around the prone body on the bed. Soon after, Stark's chest began to twitch, just lightly, and Miss Potts let out a gasp, and then a sob, before the Colonel pulled her close into his chest. Bucky closed his eyes.

The doctors allowed them back, one visitor at a time. Bucky stayed by the window, watching.

Stark's chest twitched in his sleep, from the low grade shocks delivered into his heart. It twitched almost twice every second, his left shoulder pulling up in a jerk, chest lifting up in quick movements. The man stayed asleep the whole time.

Next to him stood the Colonel, in his leg braces. His face was stoic, empty. His eyes were red.

"I would gladly,  _gladly_ never walk again if Tony would just wake up," he said before looking down at the braces that Stark had designed. "I don't want to live in a world without Tony Stark in it." He then looked up, and looked at Bucky dead in the eye. "So forgive me, Sergeant, if I ever see one of your friends and couldn't help but sock them in the face. Please don't hold me back."

And Bucky understood.

"I heard what you did. From Pepper, and FRIDAY. I'm not gonna thank you. I'm still pissed that he let the lot of you live in the Compound. But I just want you to know this." 

Bucky straightened. 

"I  _love_ Tony. I've loved that dumb genius kid since the first day I met him in college, and I've been through hell and back for him, and he'd done the same for me. I told you I don't want to live in a world without him, but," for a moment Rhodes' face crumpled before it quickly straightened into the empty look, "but I know what the doctors said, and I'm not delusional. I know he's skipped death's door about twelve too many times. I've always known one day his luck would run out. I just never thought he'd die in the hands of people he'd tried so many times to save.

"So I don't need more people on the other side ready to backstab Tony. No, I don't need that. If you're staying here, I need to know that it's because you're on this side, like me, and Pepper, and Happy, ready to fight to the moon and back for him. I don't need you here for your guilt, or because you feel bad that your best friend was the one driving  _mine_ into a cardiac arrest. I don't need that.

"So if Tony wakes up, you'll be the one helping him get back up, ready on his six at all times because I  _can't_ , not with these paralyzed legs and because Pepper can't, she wouldn't be able to take it, she's already had too much on her plate and she's already blaming herself for leaving him right before the whole mess with the Accords started. And if Tony doesn't wake up..."

The Colonel looked away. Bucky stared at his shoes. Stark's limp body jolted in his sleep. Pepper couldn't hold back her tears. 

Outside, the rain raged on. 

Colonel Rhodes sighed and wiped his face wearily. "Somebody needs to give the kid a call..." he said to himself, pulling out his phone.

Bucky frowned in confusion.

Rhodes waited until the call was picked up, and then, "Hey, kid..." 


	4. Chapter 4

Steve called, a couple of times. Bucky put his phone on silent.

It was only after the 23rd missed call that he sent the Captain a text message. _He's_ _recovering_. And then he turned off his phone.

Not many people came and went to visit Stark, and somehow it disheartened him. How could a man so loud and large and great be lying so lonely in this empty hospital room?

For the past few hours there was only him and the Colonel, before he left again to rest in his own separate room--after all of these months the older man still tire easily, even with the supportive braces. He stayed in another private room on the same floor.

Miss Potts bid farewell, back to the tower. Tomorrow she'd be meeting Stark's lawyers, she'd said. Something to do about his will. The press was still blind to the news about the billionaire though--it was also Miss Potts' work.

Bucky lurked around the floor, occasionally guarding by the elevator, or sitting at Stark's bedside. He felt himself like a possessive guard dog, and a large part of him knew it was because he heavily felt responsible for Stark's condition and stood watch to repay Potts and Rhodes' decision to let him stay while the rest of the Avengers weren't allowed.

Stark was still passively sleeping, only there because the machine willed him so. As the hour passed Bucky could have sworn Stark only grew smaller under all the wires and the thin blanket. His sunken, hollow cheeks stood gaunt with the shadows under his eyes, skin pale and almost ghostly. His entire body was still, not even a twitch of a finger. Bucky shuddered.

Early in the morning, just as visiting hour began, the elevator outside the room dinged open. Bucky rose from where he'd been sitting the past three hours and walk to open the door.

He didn't know who he was expecting, but it was definitely not a boy who was standing rigid, hugging himself uncertainly while Happy Hogan--Stark's old driver--guided him across the hall.

"Um, so, Tony's in there? Um, sleeping?"

Hogan sighed a little and rubbed the boy's shoulder. "You wanna see him, bud?"

The kid took a deep breath and shook his head yes, and then startled when he looked up to find Bucky already in the doorway. "Uh..."

Bucky sidestepped from the door, eyes still trained at the boy. Hogan cleared his throat. "Been here all night, Mr. Barnes? How's Boss? "

He nodded. "Still the same. He's off the pacer, now."

The big man had shadows in his eyes, but he managed a nod. "Thanks for staying. I woulda been here instead, you know, but I had to pick up this little trouble. Come on, bud."

The boy hesitantly walked into the room while the adults stayed by the door. As soon as he saw Stark on the hospital bed, his whole face crumpled and he fell into the chair next to the bed.

"Who's that?" Bucky asked quietly.

Hogan sighed. "A friend. Helped Tony out a few years back, during the whole affair with some terrorist. I was in a coma, got hit by their bomb. Tony, in a fit of rage, invited the terrorist to his Malibu house. It was very thoroughly destroyed, and he was presumed dead."

One side of Bucky's lips twitch in bemusement.

"Of course, his suit somehow autopiloted him across the country. A small town in Tennessee. He found the kid's garage trash lab, then went in seeking refuge. Long story short, kid ended up helping him fight their minions, Tony ended up half-adopting him into his mini-me protégé."

"So, not a secret biological kid?"

Hogan snorted. "No, although I still wonder how Tony could avoid that to this day." A pause, as they both watch the boy stare at Stark's sleeping face in silence. "They're pretty close. He calls once every two weeks or so. Tony always sends crazy stuff over to his house to 'investigate'. On summers when aliens aren't attacking the city, Tony would fly him over here to act as his assistant lab. Kid's smart, he's probably already got a spot secured at MIT or someplace. I know this must be hard for him." He then straightened." I'm gonna go downstairs, grab some bagels or something. You want anything? A coffee?"

"Anything you get, make it two."

"Alright. Keep an eye on them for me."

After waiting a couple more minutes, Bucky made his way toward the bed. The kid looked up at him. "Hey."

"Hey." The boy looked back down at Stark, his voice small when he asked, "Will he ever wake up?"

Something twisted again in Bucky's chest. "I don't know," he answered gruffly.

The kid seemed to shudder. "I'm Harley," he said.

"Bucky."

"Yeah, I know. I guessed. Captain America's best friend, right?"

Bucky only grunted, somehow dismayed by the title.

"I know what you both did to Tony, in that stupid bunker. Took a long time for him to tell me, and his panic attacks were acting up again, but he told me." He looked back up at Bucky, none warmth, all cold. "How could you do that to him?" he asked, in childish wonder mixed with horror.

Bucky had never felt more small in his entire life, standing in front of a, probably, fifteen or so year old kid who was sitting vulnerably next to a comatose billionaire genius. 

"I never tell him because we're both shitty at emotions, but he's my hero." The kid, Harley, sniffled. He took one more look at Tony and shook his head before completely collapsing forward onto the bed, laying his head next to the man's arm. "Now I might never get to tell him that."

"I'm sorry." It seemed like the only thing Bucky could say, but what good would those words do?

"What good would that do? He's not gonna wake up, isn't he." It didn't sound like a question, only a sure statement. He buried his face into the bed, his face muffled as he said to himself, "I can't lose him too. Why do I have to keep losing people? My dad already left me. You know that. Now you're really gonna leave me too, Tony? It's not funny. I don't like this joke anymore."

Somehow in the middle of his rant, Harley had began sobbing. Bucky gulped and bent down, closer, and then rubbed a hand on top of the kid's back gently.

"Please wake up. I'm sorry. I'll do anything, I'll oil DUM-E without question, I won't ever complain again. I won't make a mess on your table, I won't even blow shit up. I'll get you that stupid sandwich you always ask for. I'll even wear that Iron Man hoodie you got me for the rest of my life. If you please just wake up."

For a while, there was only the sound of his muffled sobbing and the steady beep of the heart monitor. Until it began to race, into a quick and frantic _beepbeepbeepbeep_ and both Harley and Bucky jerked back when the body in front of them gave a full body twitch.

Stark's whole body tensed, as if in pain. His jaw clamped down on the tube in his mouth so hard, choking sounds escaped from his throat. Harley was screaming. Bucky punched the nurse's call button.

"Tony? Tony! What's going on? Tony, please! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please!"

Bucky hauled the kid into his arms and out of the room as doctors and nurses barged in, and the kid trashed in his arms.

"Your fault! Your fault! Your fault! This is all your fault, you did this to him! He's dying and it's your fault!" The boy screamed, loud and raw and anguished, hitting Bucky everywhere he could, elbows jutting around and legs kicking and flailing. Bucky held him, shoving the kid's face into his own shoulder, shielding him from seeing the body on the bed as it was being worked on by the doctors.

Yet Bucky watched with wide eyes, as the body arched against the paddles, once more. As they switched out the damaged tube, pulling it out of Stark's throat before shoving a new one in. As one doctor climbed up the bed and straddled the man to start pumping his chest.

 

For a long time, the sound couldn't get any louder: _beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep_ \--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was debating myself whether it should be Harley or Peter, but eventually went with Harley... for one, this fic is set shortly after CW so I'd imagine Tony hadn't bonded 'that' much yet with Peter. And also because I love Harley Keener and I would protect that kid with everything I have.


	5. Chapter 5

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

Curled in the sofa under the window, Harley slept from exhaustion. Hogan sat next to him, fingers absentmindedly playing with the zipper of the kid's hoodie. The coffee and the bagel he'd brought hours earlier sat untouched on the table in front of them. Bucky stood at the foot of the bed, eyes locked onto the sleeping man.

He turned when the nurses walked in, checking on Stark's chart and assessing his current condition. Outside, Miss Potts--Pepper--cried in Rhodes' arms while speaking to Stark's lawyers and doctors.

Bucky startled out of his distracted mind when he saw one of the nurses press what looked like a pen on Stark's nail, none too gently.

"What're you doing?" he asked, almost in a growl. The nurse stepped back in surprise.

"I--we--we're assessing Mr. Stark's conscious state, Mr., uh, Mr. Barnes..."

"Are you hurting him?"

Bucky would have felt bad for the shaken nurse, but he couldn't turn down the growl in his throat. "Y-yes, just a little... W-we're seeing if Mr. Stark appropriately responds to painful stimuli."

Bucky narrowed his eyes for a few seconds longer, then nodded once. The nurse exhaled before returning to his assessment, and Bucky kept his eyes on every movement he made. Soon after one of the doctors who had been speaking with Potts and the lawyers walked in and joined in the assessment. 

Stark made no move as the nurses spoke to him, lifted his eyelid and shone a small penlight, or even during the first few painful stimuli. It wasn't until the doctor finally gave a hard pinch near his collarbone that he finally made a move. Bucky flinched as he watched Stark's arms extending at his sides, as well as his legs, straightening out on the bed rigidly. His wrists both curled outwards while his head slightly arched back into the pillow.

Both nurses shared a solemn look, and one of them turned to scribble something onto the clipboard in his hand.

"What does that mean?" Bucky asked the doctor, quiet. From the look on their faces, it didn't seem like a good sign.

Leaving the nurses to attend to Stark, the doctor turned to Bucky and answered, "Mr. Stark is still in a deep coma. There has been no improvement since the time he was brought here. He has scored a 4 on the Glasgow Coma Scale, which indicates a severe brain damage. Mr. Stark has not responded to commands, no eye and verbal responses. He has responded to painful stimuli, but only minimally--which was what you saw earlier, an abnormal posturing."

"Brain damage? He--it was his heart that failed, right? Why does he have brain damage?"

"When Mr. Stark was brought here, he was also suffering from severe hypoxia--in short, his brain wasn't receiving enough oxygen as he should be due to his heart stopping. While we managed to resuscitate him, got his heart beating again, he was cut off from adequate oxygen supply for quite too long, and it caused enough damage to his brain. It is common for cardiac arrest patients to suffer from severe hypoxia that results in a coma, when immediate resuscitation attempts are not made soon as they collapse."

"But... but I caught him before he collapsed. We... I helped breathe for him not even a minute after he fell. The ambulance was immediately called. We didn't... we were there. I was there. Romanoff did the compressions and I breathed for him."

The doctor's eyes turned a little sympathetic as she explained. "We need to take into account that Mr. Stark has had diminished lung capacity ever since he got the arc reactor embedded into his chest. A large chunk of his chest, for lack of better explanation, was moved aside to make room for the reactor. He had parts of his sternum and ribs taken out, and his lungs were pushed aside so the reactor could stay in. Even after the reactor was finally taken out, his lungs had already adapted to the condition and they never returned to their healthy, fully functional conditions. He had artificial sternum and part of ribs filling in so that his body didn't need to re-adapt with having a hole where the reactor was once placed, but those got damaged a few months ago when he was brought here after the incident surrounding the Accords." The doctor paused to let it sink in. "Even without the most recent damage, Mr. Stark has been taking less oxygen than the average male adult--say, he's only been breathing in two-thirds the amount of oxygen. When his heart failed and his body functions ceased, his lungs also stopped working. Before the paramedics arrived with proper equipments, you and Miss Romanoff attempted immediate resuscitation. Yes, you breathed for him, but a rescuer's exhaled air during mouth-to-mouth breathing only contained approximately 17% oxygen. Now with Mr. Stark's already compromised lungs, it's not surprising that they weren't even able to fully absorb that 17% of oxygen you breathed for him."

Bucky swallowed and looked away from the doctor's clinical gaze, watching as the nurses smoothed out the blanket over Stark's body, watching as the chest rose and fell. "But... he's on the ventilator now..."

The doctor nodded. "When that much damage has already been done, there's not much that we can do," she said gently. "Mr. Stark is receiving the best care possible, but ultimately, it's up to him to win this fight. We're doing everything we can, right now."

Bucky nodded, eyes still fixed at the sleeping figure on the bed.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Barnes. You did the right thing, noticing the signs right away and prompting the resuscitation efforts quickly. He's still has a chance to fight because of you."

"How much chance does he have?" 

"I have to be honest, it's not a good chance. But he's still here." 

"Yeah." Bucky took a deep breath, and then exhaled. _He's still here._ Did Stark even still want to fight? 

The doctor nodded and left the room, along with the nurses. Bucky stayed, watching, and only looked away when Harley startled awake from a nightmare.

"Tony!" the kid gasped, and Hogan caught him before he fell off the sofa.

"He's still here, bud," the older man replied. Instantly, Harley's face crumpled again and he fell into Hogan's arms.

"What happened?" he asked quietly, rubbing at his eyes.

"There were some complications... but they brought him back."

The kid shuddered. "How long was he gone for?"

"Not long. Come on, now. You want something to eat? Go back to the tower?"

He shook his head. "Wanna stay here with Tony." He stood up and walked over toward the bed, noticing Bucky. "Oh. You're still here too."

Bucky nodded and cast his eyes downwards. He couldn't forget the way the kid screamed in his arms, blaming him for putting Tony here. Bucky couldn't even deny that.

"I'm sorry. For earlier," Harley said. "I didn't mean it."

"It's fine."

"It's not. Tony would kick my ass if he heard." He sighed and sat down on the chair next to the bed. "How is he? And don't answer it like you're talking to a dumb kid."

Bucky couldn't help but smirk a little at the kid's petulant voice, but settled with honesty. "Still in coma. Doc said there's no improvement."

"What happened to him? Did he have another heart attack?"

"Of some sort. I don't speak medical gibberish, unless they dumb it down for me." Bucky shrugged a little, trying to lighten his voice. "It was over quick. You cried longer than it took the doctors to treat him."

Harley snorted. "Sorry for the freak out. And for hitting you."

"'S okay."

"I know you're one of the good ones, since Mr. Rhodes still allow you here when everyone else are banned from the building."

Bucky swallowed hard and shrugged. Why did they keep putting him on a pedestal just because he caught the billionaire's fallen body first? It didn't feel like something for him to celebrate. Not when he could still feel Stark's cold lips under his, gaping open and closed almost robotically in attempt to draw in air. The noises he made as Romanoff pumped down his chest would surely haunt Bucky in his sleep. 

Bucky had thrown up three times after the medics hauled Stark's body out of the communal room. He still wanted to, now, every time he remembered Stark's open, lifeless eyes.

"Bucky?" Harley called, and Bucky flinched. "You okay?"

"Fine. I." Bucky held back a shiver. "I'm fine."

"I wanna talk to him for a while," Harley said. "Can you... not stand there and watch? It's kinda creepy."

A huff of laugh escaped Bucky's nose. "Okay. I'll just... be out."

"You too, Happy."

The grumpy man rolled his eyes but stood up, walked over to squeeze the kid's shoulder gently, and took one more look at his employer.

Bucky left the room, finding the lawyers and the doctors gone. Rhodes looked up with a grim look on his face, while Potts shied away to the other end of the hallway to speak softly into a phone.

The kid was holding Stark's hand, gently, on his wrist. He was talking rapidly, the other hand moving animatedly, as if describing something to the sleeping man.

Bucky sat down, across Rhodes, and laid his head back against the wall. He closed his eyes and the only thing he saw was Stark clutching his chest in the middle of a sentence. His stomach heaved in protest and he opened his eyes and swallowed.

A lone tear fell down Bucky's cheek and he frowned in wonder. 

Tony Stark slept away, unaware.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried my best, with the medical explanations, but i have to say that i am not a medical expert. i did read scientific journals for this chapters, though, so i hope it made sense somehow.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... it was only going downhill from here.

Tony Stark's body rapidly deteriorated two hours after Happy--forcefully--drove Harley home, with a promise to pick him up again tomorrow after school.

Bucky had stood watch, because with Happy gone, Rhodey on another medical checkup, and Pepper dealing with paperworks and deflecting the press and locking The Avengers out of the hospital building and Stark Industries in general, Bucky was the only person left inside Tony's private room. Instead of walking around the hospital building and taking watch outside, he stayed in the room and observed. His eagle eyes observed anytime a medical personnel comes in and out, traced every spike in the lines on the monitors, and counted each rise and fall of the sleeping man's chest.

So he noticed when something began to change.

Bucky didn't remember pushing the call button, but he stood back as the nurses--and soon doctors--began to check on the genius, somehow taking on Bucky's garbled words about something something wrong with Stark. Maybe it was the color of his skin ( _it's ashen, and he's sweating even though the temperature's been well adjusted, and there's a weird noise in his assisted breaths that wasn't there before)_ , but Bucky's eyes intently watched every move the doctors and nurses made.

Bucky was there to notice the pinched look in the doctor's face, and the urgent tones as he gave out orders, as medical supplies were brought.

Bucky was there when the steady _beep beep beep_ of the monitors took a turn, when Stark's body began to spasm as his throat worked and fluid escaped his mouth and all over the tubes around his mouth.

He clenched his jaw as he watched them turn Stark's body to the side, so frail and thin and wrecked in jerks and twitches. The man wasn't actively choking, but the weird noises turned into loud gurgles as he vomited the fluid. Bucky took a few steps back and he realized his own breathing had begun to pick up when he brought the phone to his ear--the new phone Pepper had slipped into his hand before she'd left.

"Barnes?"

"Stark, he." Bucky swallowed and turned his gaze back toward the bed, where Stark was laid on his back once more, the tube in his mouth now gone, leaving his darkened mouth agape and his chest eerily still now without the machine breathing for him. "Something's happening."

"I'm already on my way back. I'll get Pepper," Hogan answered.

"Okay." Hurry, Bucky wanted to add. He didn't want to be the only one to witness Stark die. Was Stark dying? "ETA?"

"Ten minutes."

"Five."

"Eight. I gotta make a turn to get Pepper." Hogan let out a frustrated sound. "You hang on." There was a click as he ended the call and Bucky stood helplessly with the phone in his hand.

Later, once Pepper arrived to speak with the doctors, Bucky's idle mind caught some of the words spoken from inside the room as he stood in the hall. _Fluid build-up in his lungs. Aspirations. Caught a pneumonia_. Bucky tried to tune it out, but even then he still understood that on top of every other shit Stark's body had endured, it wasn't looking terribly good for him.

Pepper wasn't crying, but her eyes were red and tired. Her lips were firm and she stood rigid on a pair of black heels as she digested the news. Bucky's ears couldn't help but overhear more. _There had been no positive change in Dr. Stark's condition. His brain patterns aren't changing._

And then... _consider..._ _pulling the plug... DNR... his will_... Bucky closed his eyes.

He still didn't know why he was so adamant to stay. He was never even close to the man before.

But he knew he didn't want to be anywhere near the compound. Just remembering the way those words had been thrown at Stark's face just moments before he collapsed... Bucky shook his head. On Stark's behalf, he couldn't forgive the rest of the... team.

Even if Steve tried to call dozens of times. Even if Romanoff sneakily tried to gain access into the building. Even if Wanda expressed regret and Clint looked as if he had swallowed a whole lemon.

Maybe Bucky hadn't been there before, but this group of people were supposed to be a team. And yet they cornered the very man who fought to give them shelter, ambushed him with petty words and cutting insults despite the fact that he was clearly looking anxious for a way out.

And Bucky... Bucky had stood by and watched it happen, not once interfering until it was too late.

Knowing the damage that Stark's abused body had to endure was enough to make his stomach churn, but now that he knew for sure that the man was lying on his death bed with little to no hope of recovery...

Something ignited in his chest. Something like guilt, and pain, and regret.

Stark never got better. During the night, the fluid build-up only got worse that the nurses had to suction every other hour. His temperature had spiked and cool cloths had to be placed all over his exposed skin.

Bucky stirred into consciousness on the chair outside the room sometime at dawn, and he couldn't help but overhear Pepper's soft voice as she spoke to Stark next to the hospital bed. Bucky rubbed his eyes and sighed.

"... please hold on, Tony. I'm here. Rhodey and I, we're waiting for you. We'll move back to the Malibu house, like you've been talking about all these months. We've finished rebuilding the whole thing, didn't I tell you that?"

The hiss of the ventilator was the only reply.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there, at the compound. If I'd known... god, you've been complaining about your arm and I. And I just ignored it, and now you're here, and it wasn't supposed to be like this, Tony. You promised. You promised us no more, after they're back. You'll hang up the suit, retire, take the vacation you've always begged to have. You deserve it. No more of this... hospitals, getting hurt in a fight bullshit. It wasn't supposed to be like this."

Bucky heard what sounded like a kiss. Maybe on Stark's limp hand, or his cheek. There was a sniffle.

"I'm trying so hard to be strong. It's hard. Nobody knows--nobody other than us. But the board have noticed your absence. Soon the press. I don't want to have to tell them you didn't make it. Tony, don't make me tell them that. You have to make it. You have to wa--Tony? _Tony!_ "

Bucky jerked upright and immediately burst through the door after Pepper's shriek. One look at the monitor showed Stark's vitals tanking, and Pepper was rapidly punching the nurse's button.

When the doctors came and Pepper was pushed back, away from the bed, she found Bucky and immediately clung to him. Helpless, Bucky could only wrap his arms around Pepper's frame, shielding her vision from the hospital bed. A familiar sight greeted him--of a guy pushing Stark's still chest in the midst of other people injecting drugs and pumping oxygen into his lungs and the shrieking of monitors surrounding them topped with barks of various medical jargons and orders.

Two shocks brought Stark's heart rhythm into a somewhat stable condition. His body had jerked helplessly to the shock and each time Pepper whimpered at the sound.

The sudden cardiac arrest was a sign that things were only going downhill from here. His heart, though beating, was beating poorly. His lungs still hadn't recovered from the pneumonia. Inadequate oxygen circulated throughout his body could only lead to possible multiple organ failures. His brain activity hadn't improved. Pepper and Rhodey was forced into making a tough decision concerning the life support.

But they held on.

Harley visited, and the boy tried to look tough as Pepper explained Stark's latest condition. He curled up in the chair next to the bed and slept. He never left, even though he was missing school. He was there to push the nurse's call button when Stark suffered a couple mild seizures--this time brought on by his spiking temperature. He was there to eavesdrop the doctors talk with the other adults, with Bucky half-heartedly tried to prevent him from listening.

Then, on the sixth day after Stark collapsed from a heart attack on the Avengers Compound, he opened his warm brown eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sheeesh i finally updated. it's gonna get sad real soon.


End file.
